Felt compelled to write another quick post. Christmas is everywhere. Can't escape it. I'm trying to get psyched this year for my little guy. We're going to do some Christmas lights around the house. Nothing crazy, just some. We didn't do any the last couple of years. We were too busy and it was okay with me.
I really don't have anything personal against Christmas. I'm all for peace and good will. And although it's true that Christmas has been heavily commercialized, that isn't what bothers me so much.
This time of year makes me want to hide. I don't mind the upbeat, jazzy modern holiday music, but the traditional stuff makes me want to slam my hands over my ears and sing anything else.
I'm really a pretty happy person. I'm a positive person, and I'm not one to wallow. I'm stubborn and persistent and driven when it comes to doing a job right, my writing in particular. But any job, really.
But I still have trouble with the whole Christmas thing. Ghosts of Christmas past. The memory of having, on Christmas Eve, to bring my father his Christmas gift to whichever bar he was sitting in at the time (whichever bar hadn't banished him for fighting). My mother had long divorced him by then. Smart move. He'd sit there until they threw him out. This went on for years, until I stopped bringing him a gift.
Believe me. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Like I said, I don't wallow. I don't ruminate. But somehow they manage to come back. Those dark times. Christmas makes me nervous. Leaves me feeling untethered. I'd really rather avoid it.
The desire to get completely immersed in the writing and to work myself on my elliptical until I drop is overwhelming.
But all things in moderation. Because maybe there wouldn't be all that much of a difference between downing several drinks or burying myself in the writing and exercise to escape something that makes me feel uncomfortable.
I'm determined to be happy for my little guy. And I usually can fake it anyway, for the people around me that I love. I keep the downer shit under wraps.
Not throwing myself a pity party. Those are for chumps! Just wanted to confess and move on.
2 comments:
*Hugs*
I'm not a Christmas girl, either. The Ghosts of Christmases Past have been making the rounds here, too. Wish it was possible to pull the covers up over my head, hibernate, and not come out until 2010. Bears have the right idea.
*Hugs* to you too, Laura. I agree. I used to hybernate before I had my little guy. I'd take extra shifts at work and keep myself waaaaay busy.
I'm still waaaay busy haha! But Yeah. They do have the right idea! But we can do it! We caaaan deeeew eeeeet! Just one more month. Ish.
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